Tuesday, October 23, 2007

When Bloggers Go Bad

Slap me with a wet noodle. I've been such a naughty blogger! Six days without a post? Terrible, horrible, bad.

Truth is, I have legitimately been consumed with business-related "stuff" -- tons of writing, teaching, performing. All wonderful and stimulating, but I do feel guilty for not popping in to at least say hello to some of my favorite web personalities!

(I haven't even read the horror series that Jason has at Clarity of Night. That's a crime in at least 27 states, I believe. I really should get my tush over there pronto!)

In any case, my absence has made me think more and more about being a good blogger... and how much that's like being a good friend.

See, I'd like to lie to you and say, "I'm the best friend in the whole world." But the truth rests 14.2 million miles away.

Like most people, I get too involved in my own routine to "mix it up" by calling friends, scheduling adult "play dates", or even sending a "hey-no-time-to-talk-but-love-you" email.

It saddens me, but still I persist in this never-ending cycle of weeks without much friend-related communication followed by a sudden burst of information exchange. Then the long days of silence return.

I've heard that others have experienced this phenomenon, especially when they start having children, but that doesn't make me feel much better about the whole thing.

I know that some friends accept this strange way of staying in touch in stops and starts - Susan, Sarah, Joanne. They forgive me for being human. But to be perfectly honest, I've lost other gal pals because of my inability to make them a priority more often.


So what does this mean?

I'm not sure.

But I have the feeling that my new year's resolution is going to have to be related somehow to this subject because it's troubling me and has been for a while.

How do you make sure that you don't lose contact with friends? I'd sincerely be interested in hearing.


Anonymous said...

Seeing my name was a nice surprise! Thanks for the mention. :)

Glad to know you're still out there in spirit. It's a tough balance, if there is any such thing as balance.

I'm not a good authority on keeping friends, because I tend to drift away if I feel like I'm the one making the effort. Alright, "drift away" is being kind. More like book the next ticket to outtathere.

SzélsőFa said...

Keeping a friendship alive is demanding on BOTH parties, and I'd like to emphasize 'both'.
I have only a few real friends and I try to keep them informed of what's going on in my life by making phonecalls, sending them emails and such.

I find keeping virtual friendships alive easier.
Visiting a blog is always easier and shorter than visiting a real friend.
Sometimes it means that a virtual friendship is not as much effective...
I don't know.
I seek trust and shared thoughts in virtual friendships as well.
I don't know if I'm doing it right.
I keep visiting blogs, leaving thoughtful and sometimes not-so-much-thoughtful comments...

Hoodie said...

I agree with Szelsofa. Those of my "real life" friends who have joined the blogosphere are those I have kept in touch with the best and I often talk about the bloggers I correspond with regularly though I've never met as my friends. I heart blogging.

To keep in touch with my non-blogging friends I try to send emails and make phonecalls and make a special effort to visit them when we travel to their area.

The Quoibler said...

Jason ~ Ah, balance. I wonder what it will feel like if it ever comes? :) Thanks for talking about your views on friendship. I can definitely get into "drift mode", too.

Szelsofa ~ You are so right. I try to remind myself of that all the time, especially in friendships when I seem to be doing all the work... or none of the work. (Sorry to those people to whom I owe phone calls!) It's funny about "virtual" friendships, isn't it? I've had a few "end" (some abruptly, some not), and it feels as real as anything. Bizarre how the Internet can elicit such legitimately strong emotions. (Incidentally, I always love your thoughtful and thought-provoking comments!)

Hoodie ~ You sound like an awesome friend. I wish I were better about even traveling just a little bit! I haven't even seen my best friend's "new" house. (She moved there three years ago, I believe.) It's only four hours away, but life always seems to get in the way. *sigh* :)

Jennifer said...

Just don't have friends -- problem solved. Just kidding! I am glad to see you back though I was worried. How dumb huh; I get worried when bloggers I like go MIA.

I try to keep my daytimes during the week free so if I want to hang out I can. That's not much but right now it's all I've got. Mostly I concentrate on Cedar and work but my real friends get it. Plus I have a ton of writer friends so in all honesty I am pretty social. It would be better to mingle in person like at Blog Expo but I can't go until next year (too busy this year).

The Quoibler said...


Great idea! If I become a hermit, it'll be much easier! :)