I need a pair of glasses.
Of course, I have a pair of glasses and plenty of disposable contact lenses. I'm practically blind without correction. ("Nice puppy..." ~"Mommy, that's a fuming grizzly bear!")
Nearsightedness is a condition I've had since I was around seven and unless I get LASIK, I'm going to have it for the rest of my life.
But I do really need some glasses. Not for what they can do, but what they look like.
See, I want to appear "writer-ish".
Sure, I'm already a writer. I've published plenty and have a list of clients and publications for whom I've worked and am working. I have clips. I have references. I have legitimacy in my field.
Yet I feel a strong desire to LOOK the part of a freelancer.
So I've been asking myself, "What kind of glasses seem most authoritative?"
How about those ones with the rectangular frames? Or perfectly round ones? Or those without any kind of visible frames that just seem to float on the nose?
Maybe pink ones (a la Sally Jessy Raphael... dear lord, is she even still sporting those things?) Or green ones. Or enormous multi-colored frames bought at an Elton John yard sale.
I have this fantasy (and I realize it's just that). If I dress like a writer, I'll write better and more efficiently. I'll get more work. I'll be offered fascinating assignments. And I can finally get a headshot that looks... well... like I'm a "real" writer.
So I need those glasses.
But first, I need to write to pay for them. Nice irony, huh?