I know that we freelancers have a reputation for eschewing social events, preferring instead to sit alone in our dusty homes petting our kitties and munching ferociously on salty-sweet snacks. However, I've never been able to find solace in being a hermit 100% of the time.
Thus, I signed up for a local social networking event that takes place tonight. It's just one of those holiday shmooze and mingle things -- no biggie, right? Except for one thing... I want to have fun with it. I don't want to pretend to be the CEO of my own company whose feces has no odor. I want to make a positive impression as someone who is professional, yet a little offbeat, too.
Therefore, I'm planning to change up the way I usually present myself to others: "I'm a freelance writer and performer, yadda, yadda, yadda."
Why be boring when I could answer the old question, "What do you do?" with responses like:
#1. If I told you, I'd have to kill you. (Thanks, Tess, for this one!)
#2. I'm a janitor in the building. Please don't spill anything or I'll be here all night.
#3. I don't have a job. Does your company have any openings?
#4. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I just came here to drink.
#5. You tell me.
Okay, so I wouldn't seriously say numbers three through five to strangers (unless the party is totally dull), but numbers one and two I would try.
In the spirit of the blogosphere (and because I know you're all such creative, weird, wild and wonderful folks), I'm encouraging you to send me snappy, memorable answers to those ennui-inducing questions like "So... whaddya do?" and "Where do you work?"
If I like any of them, I will use them tonight as conversation starters (or enders, depending on whose listening) and report back to you with the findings.
Oh, and I'm not joking. I will absolutely do this. See, I have very little shame. I mean, what the hell? In 100 years, I'll be dead and no one will give a crap whether or not I bombed at a central Pennsylvania social networking event.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
I can't help with this one, I laughed so hard over #2 and then #4, oh man, that's hilarious.
I did, however, vote for you over at that Babe contest thingamajig, so hey, I'm good for somethin'! =)
Wait, how about?
I'm an arthritic masseuse. Does it get any worse than that?
How about this for an answer:
"The CDC Infectious Disease Lab. I work with exotic, incurable viruses."
OOOOO! Jason's!! Do that one! Do that one!!
and sniffle a bit. scratch here and there. do gross bodily stuff and report back here.
:-)
Do you like my new hat?
Danette gave me one.
You can't have one.
See, I'm too late to comment before your event! Came home too late! But I hope you used JAson's! Love that one!
Tell them you've been trying unsuccessfully to get a job in telesales for the past year. Until I found that one, I was stuck with having to say I was a writer. And we all know what happens when we admit that.
What did you actually say?
Beth: Thanks for the vote... I'm probably going to lose at this rate, but I'm comfortable with that. Hey, it's fun to try! And an "arthritic masseuse" -- now THERE'S a picture!
Jason: Yours won. But read my post for the less-than-exciting results.
Church Lady: You bet. That was my plan... WAS my plan... read on... (And I didn't quite get the hat comment... I cannot find the hat... did I miss something? Dammit, I want to understand that post!)
Ello: Jason's was one of my picks!
Mary: Oooo... TELESALES. Now that would garner some cool responses! I'll have to keep that in mind for next time!
Szelsofa: Read the next post for a full dissection of the evening. It's less than stellar, I'm afraid. The best laid plans...
Oh what a shame you've been and gone ... I would've given you some shameless ones! :-)
Shameless: You'll have a chance to contribute, I guarantee it!
Post a Comment