Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Social networking

I know that we freelancers have a reputation for eschewing social events, preferring instead to sit alone in our dusty homes petting our kitties and munching ferociously on salty-sweet snacks. However, I've never been able to find solace in being a hermit 100% of the time.

Thus, I signed up for a local social networking event that takes place tonight. It's just one of those holiday shmooze and mingle things -- no biggie, right? Except for one thing... I want to have fun with it. I don't want to pretend to be the CEO of my own company whose feces has no odor. I want to make a positive impression as someone who is professional, yet a little offbeat, too.

Therefore, I'm planning to change up the way I usually present myself to others: "I'm a freelance writer and performer, yadda, yadda, yadda."

Why be boring when I could answer the old question, "What do you do?" with responses like:

#1. If I told you, I'd have to kill you. (Thanks, Tess, for this one!)
#2. I'm a janitor in the building. Please don't spill anything or I'll be here all night.
#3. I don't have a job. Does your company have any openings?
#4. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I just came here to drink.
#5. You tell me.

Okay, so I wouldn't seriously say numbers three through five to strangers (unless the party is totally dull), but numbers one and two I would try.

In the spirit of the blogosphere (and because I know you're all such creative, weird, wild and wonderful folks), I'm encouraging you to send me snappy, memorable answers to those ennui-inducing questions like "So... whaddya do?" and "Where do you work?"

If I like any of them, I will use them tonight as conversation starters (or enders, depending on whose listening) and report back to you with the findings.

Oh, and I'm not joking. I will absolutely do this. See, I have very little shame. I mean, what the hell? In 100 years, I'll be dead and no one will give a crap whether or not I bombed at a central Pennsylvania social networking event.


Beth said...

I can't help with this one, I laughed so hard over #2 and then #4, oh man, that's hilarious.

I did, however, vote for you over at that Babe contest thingamajig, so hey, I'm good for somethin'! =)

Beth said...

Wait, how about?

I'm an arthritic masseuse. Does it get any worse than that?

jason evans said...

How about this for an answer:

"The CDC Infectious Disease Lab. I work with exotic, incurable viruses."

Church Lady said...

OOOOO! Jason's!! Do that one! Do that one!!

and sniffle a bit. scratch here and there. do gross bodily stuff and report back here.


Church Lady said...

Do you like my new hat?

Danette gave me one.

You can't have one.

Ello said...

See, I'm too late to comment before your event! Came home too late! But I hope you used JAson's! Love that one!

Mary Witzl said...

Tell them you've been trying unsuccessfully to get a job in telesales for the past year. Until I found that one, I was stuck with having to say I was a writer. And we all know what happens when we admit that.

SzélsőFa said...

What did you actually say?

The Quoibler said...

Beth: Thanks for the vote... I'm probably going to lose at this rate, but I'm comfortable with that. Hey, it's fun to try! And an "arthritic masseuse" -- now THERE'S a picture!

Jason: Yours won. But read my post for the less-than-exciting results.

Church Lady: You bet. That was my plan... WAS my plan... read on... (And I didn't quite get the hat comment... I cannot find the hat... did I miss something? Dammit, I want to understand that post!)

Ello: Jason's was one of my picks!

Mary: Oooo... TELESALES. Now that would garner some cool responses! I'll have to keep that in mind for next time!

Szelsofa: Read the next post for a full dissection of the evening. It's less than stellar, I'm afraid. The best laid plans...

Shameless said...

Oh what a shame you've been and gone ... I would've given you some shameless ones! :-)

The Quoibler said...

Shameless: You'll have a chance to contribute, I guarantee it!