So for all you folks who don't want to starve yourself to drop the pounds, why not try some of these methods (tongue-in-cheek, of course) to shed some weight?
To lose 1-5 pounds:
- Shave hair off head and body. Sure, you'll look like a rat, but the scale will love ya.
To lose 1 pound (or so):
- Get rid of that appendix. Do you really want to wait for it to burst? (Look into dropping a kidney while you're at it. Maybe you can get a two-for-one sale from the surgeon.)
To lose a few ounces:
- Ask your physician for a tonsillectomy. After all, they're just hanging around.
To lose another few ounces:
- Get those pesky wisdom teeth removed.
OR you could...
Learn to love yourself for who you are and know that the outside doesn't really count.
10 comments:
HAHAHAHAAH!!!
And after you do all that?
:-)
Ouch!
These are hilarious!
But let me just see:
- have my appendix removed: check at age 12
- have my wisdom teeth removed also: check 1/4, 3 are still there
- tonsils: sorry I'm still having those...well...
Behold, I have another suggestion:
- take up sword lessons and practice without protection
Rats: I'm too old for a tonsillectomy and I've already had my wisdom teeth removed. But go on and laugh about the hair: I lost a couple of pounds when I got shorn! Okay, it was really only about as much weight as your average shirt, but it FELT like 5 pounds. I recommend the haircut method to anyone.
You forgot a really important one: cut your toenails. That's worth a good ounce or two!
Christine:
Put on a bikini and strut your awesome self! :)
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Szelsofa:
Love the sword lesson idea! It's totally inspired!
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Mary:
I thought of you when I wrote about the hair. And oooo... nail clippings! BRILLIANT!
Angelique
Good advice. I battled this one long ago. I don't think I'll ever have that brain that tells me I'm terrible for my body again. If I do, Szelsofa's doesn't sound half bad though. =)
I had a mole removed, and I'm about to get a pedicure. There goes 12 ounces! Woo!
Oh no. This is funny stuff. If I cut my hair I'd lost a lot of weight. But mostly when I'm wet.
I find selling bits and pieces to bodyparts.com shifts a few pounds can also make you a few pounds ($) as well. Just deciding whether I can do without a brain (yes, possibly).
Tag, A.
meme
Beth:
Hooray that you've gotten over all that crud! :) I'm still working on it myself -- see my other blog if you'd like at www.breakingthemirror.com. It's about eating disorders.
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Lori:
I forgot about moles and pedicures! Way to get creative!
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Jennifer:
You've never had your hair cut, have you? Did I read that somewhere? Or did I dream it?
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Minx:
Awesome plan. Awesome.
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Aerin:
I'll be right over...!
Angelique
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