Monday, April 14, 2008

Unconventional dieting methods

It's almost bathing suit season in the northern hemisphere!

So for all you folks who don't want to starve yourself to drop the pounds, why not try some of these methods (tongue-in-cheek, of course) to shed some weight?

To lose 1-5 pounds:
  • Shave hair off head and body. Sure, you'll look like a rat, but the scale will love ya.

To lose 1 pound (or so):

  • Get rid of that appendix. Do you really want to wait for it to burst? (Look into dropping a kidney while you're at it. Maybe you can get a two-for-one sale from the surgeon.)

To lose a few ounces:

  • Ask your physician for a tonsillectomy. After all, they're just hanging around.

To lose another few ounces:

  • Get those pesky wisdom teeth removed.

OR you could...

Learn to love yourself for who you are and know that the outside doesn't really count.

10 comments:

ChristineEldin said...

HAHAHAHAAH!!!

And after you do all that?
:-)

SzélsőFa said...

Ouch!
These are hilarious!

But let me just see:
- have my appendix removed: check at age 12
- have my wisdom teeth removed also: check 1/4, 3 are still there
- tonsils: sorry I'm still having those...well...

Behold, I have another suggestion:
- take up sword lessons and practice without protection

Mary Witzl said...

Rats: I'm too old for a tonsillectomy and I've already had my wisdom teeth removed. But go on and laugh about the hair: I lost a couple of pounds when I got shorn! Okay, it was really only about as much weight as your average shirt, but it FELT like 5 pounds. I recommend the haircut method to anyone.

You forgot a really important one: cut your toenails. That's worth a good ounce or two!

The Quoibler said...

Christine:

Put on a bikini and strut your awesome self! :)

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Szelsofa:

Love the sword lesson idea! It's totally inspired!

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Mary:

I thought of you when I wrote about the hair. And oooo... nail clippings! BRILLIANT!

Angelique

Beth said...

Good advice. I battled this one long ago. I don't think I'll ever have that brain that tells me I'm terrible for my body again. If I do, Szelsofa's doesn't sound half bad though. =)

Lori said...

I had a mole removed, and I'm about to get a pedicure. There goes 12 ounces! Woo!

Jennifer said...

Oh no. This is funny stuff. If I cut my hair I'd lost a lot of weight. But mostly when I'm wet.

Minx said...

I find selling bits and pieces to bodyparts.com shifts a few pounds can also make you a few pounds ($) as well. Just deciding whether I can do without a brain (yes, possibly).

Aerin said...

Tag, A.

meme

The Quoibler said...

Beth:

Hooray that you've gotten over all that crud! :) I'm still working on it myself -- see my other blog if you'd like at www.breakingthemirror.com. It's about eating disorders.

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Lori:

I forgot about moles and pedicures! Way to get creative!

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Jennifer:

You've never had your hair cut, have you? Did I read that somewhere? Or did I dream it?

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Minx:

Awesome plan. Awesome.

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Aerin:

I'll be right over...!

Angelique