Unexpected inspiration

Though I'm suspended in a migraine haze today, I had a blast of much-needed inspiration, thanks to Mary's latest post at (http://witzl.blogspot.com/) about the creative cooking abilities of a friend.

In honor of her fabulous story (check it out then come back here, I beg of you), I am hosting

The First Ever

Recess for Writers Contest!

Ironically, the contest has nothing to do with writing. But it definitely requires some serious innovation.

The rules are pretty darn simple.

Entrants have until Monday, December 10th at noon E.S.T. to send me their most imaginative (and edible) dishes using the following seven ingredients ONLY. Any cookware may be used (such as the type that is nonstick), but no other food products can be thrown into the mix.

The most original recipe will be highlighted in a special blog post here on Tuesday, December 11th.

I'll probably hand out some sort of prize, too, but I have no clue what it will be as of right now. So let's just call it "a surprise" and leave it at that! (I'm open to ideas. Perhaps a special little icon you can put at your website? The Recess for Writers... er... Cooks Award?)

In any case, here are your seven ingredients. As Tim Gunn coolly announces on Project Runway: "Make it work."

1. 2 cups of strawberries
2. 7 kosher dill pickles (you may use the pickle brine for extra points)
3. 4 cups of buttermilk
4. 3 radishes
5. 5 slices of wheat bread
6. 1 stick of butter
7. 2 eggs

Happy inventing!

Short of repeatedly hitting my temple with a hammer...

... does anyone have a natural migraine remedy that actually works? I'm battling a toughy today and it's really getting in the way of enjoying the "little" things in life like... oh, ummm, let me see... writing and eating.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Now, I must sit in a darkened room and visualize calm blue waters or some such nonsense. Wish me luck.

Let's try something new...

Up until now, I haven't ever tried including any writing job advertisements in this blog, but I was intrigued by these two enough to pass them along.

They are from Craigslist and both are (probably) low-paying, but if you have a relevant finished or half-finished story sitting around collecting dust, it might be worth a query or submission.

And please, please, please don't get discouraged if you hear nothing or get rejected after contacting these folks (or any others). It's just part of the game.

And that's really what every business is, after all. One wild game with rules that change at a moment's notice.

Unlike a lot of working writers, I won't lie and say it isn't personal when you get negative responses, because sometimes they are personal.

But don't take them to heart.

Flip your computer the bird and move on. Or blog about the bastards who said you weren't good enough. Screw 'em. (And I say that in the spirit of the holiday season.)

Good luck!

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Writers & Editors Needed for New Magazine

Reply to: gigs-499676554@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-12-05, 2:01PM EST

Artist's Soul Magazine is a brand new publication aimed at the art community, attracting artists of all stripes and colors.

We are anticipating the premiere issue to be released in late spring / early summer. Our magazine will include something that will interest people from a variety of artistic backgrounds including the fine arts, digital arts, photography, performing arts, independent film enthusiasts, the literary arts, and the list can just keep breaking down from there.

We provide relevant information, intriguing articles, useful tips/tutorials, product reviews, and superb design. We are in need of the following individuals to join our team: - writers - editors We welcome any and all skill levels: students, professionals, self-taught individuals.

If you are a student, this might be the perfect opportunity to gain widespread recognition and exposure within your respective field. Please email your resume and three (3) samples of your work jobs@ArtistsSoulMagazine.com.

Compensation: negotiable

=====================================================

Women Writers

Reply to: see below
Date: 2007-12-01, 7:29PM EST

We are an ezine that promotes communication between women writers, authors, editors, agents, publishers and readers.

We are currently seeking freelance writers for our upcoming editorial schedule and themes. Please visit: http://wow-womenonwriting.com/ to get the flavor of our columns and features.

Writing Schedule and Themes for WOW! Women On Writing:

Jan. 2008 - Focus on Readers: book reviews, author interviews, how to make a freelance living at writing book reviews, book clubs, literary guilds, author interviews

Feb. 2008 - The Romance issue: Writing for romance markets, how to craft romantic scenes, book reviews, author interviews.

Mar. 2008 - Small Presses: Focus on how small presses create buzz, small press profiles, author stories about their experience with small presses.

Apr. 2008 - Big Publishing Houses: focus on traditional publishing, editor interviews, crafting a query letter or book proposal, trends in publishing.

May 2008 - Freelance Union: how to make a living as a freelance writer, copywriters, technical writers, book doctors, legal writing.

Our Columns pay a flat rate of $50-$75. Feature articles pay a flat rate of $150. Feature interviews pay a flat rate of $75.

Please visit our Contact Page for complete writer's guidelines and contact email addresses for the editorial department. We urge you to visit WOW! Women On Writing and view our previously published material.

NOTES: Get your submissions in as soon as possible. Spaces fill up fast. We also appreciate photographs to illustrate the article, or at least the writer's portrait. We are a highly visual online magazine.

Thank you for your consideration, and we look forward to hearing from you.

Warmest regards, Editors: WOW! Women On Writing and our entire staff

Have YOU Got "Rhythms"?

I'm fascinated by the notion of biorhythms, though I don't necessarily believe in the principle behind them.

In case you're not familiar with what biorhythms supposedly are, here's a brief explanation in my own words (which are not flowing like they should since I've only drunk half of my morning coffee allotment):

There is a belief that, depending upon the date you were born, your emotional, intellectual, and physical "cycles" will peak at predictable intervals. However, all three will only occasionally be at similar levels; thus, on a given day you might be able to easily understand complex calculations related to the time-space continuum but still struggle to get your ass out of your chair.

How's that for an answer? (Need.More.Java.)

Anyway, just for fun, I periodically like to get a free biorhythm reading over at www.facade.com/biorhythms/. Though I'm not entirely "sold" on the notion of biorhythms, it's an enjoyable diversion. And today I was in for a treat...

According to their computations, December 5th is a strong day for me not only for my primary biorhythms (the three mentioned above), but also for my secondary biorhythms (mastery, passion, and wisdom).

Cool.

So why the hell am I sitting here feeling like a big old moose chewed me up, spat me out, shat upon me, then repeatedly kicked me for half an hour?

Changing perspectives

Before I say anything, take a gander at this incredible photo of Sophia Loren.

What's the first thing you notice?

If you're an American, I'm sure it will be that she has tufts of underarm hair.

That was my initial thought, too.

But she's gorgeous. Even with those well-coiffed armpits.

When I first saw this image of Ms. Loren, it was hanging in a frame in a restaurant. I couldn't take my eyes off it. I mean, I'm so heterosexual it hurts, but it still took my breath away despite the dark fluff peeking out from under her shoulders.

This photograph honestly made me change the way I thought about mainstream attractiveness. Not that I'm going to stop shaving any time soon, but I recognize that beauty sometimes shows itself in unexpected ways.

So... what did you learn today that changed your perspective? (Aside from the fact that I am indeed a very disturbed, sick human being who desperately needs to be placed in an asylum for overworked, exhausted, punchy writers.)

Keeping promises

Well, I didn't get to become the seventh babe of "7 Babes a-Bloggin'", but that's okay. I appreciate all your support and it was fun to see how close I could get to the top spot.

(Okay, truth be told I really wanted to win and have been crying for days now, unable to console myself. In fact, I'm thinking of throwing my worthless wreck of a body under a bus.. oh! The cruelty of politics!)

In any case, I didn't forget my promise to all of you. I said I'd post a pic of me at the height of my adolescent awkwardness. And so I shall.

May I present to you the 1983 "me"? Try not to stare too long. Your eyes will fall out. (Oh, and close your mouths. Flies will congregate in there.)

Please take special note of the ill-fitting, too-skimpy shorts; the horizontal stripes (ah, nothing says flabby like white stripes across a lumpy belly); and the I-don't-care-hair. And that IS a legitimate Barbie doll I'm holding.

(P.S. The other person in the picture is and was my best friend, Sarah. But I wouldn't be so cruel as to include her photo on this site.)

Give it up ~

Oh gawd. It's December.

I know, I know... you're well aware of that fact. After all, the date is right at the top of this post. Pretty hard to miss.

While I've always liked this month (happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me...), I dread the impending holidays just like scores of other Americans.

Buying. Spending. Gluttony.

*vomit*

It's so excessive and disgusting. All I want in my stocking is a gift consisting of two uninterrupted hours at the gym followed by time at my laptop and/or on the stage and I'll be a perky turkey. (This has yet to be given to me as a present, by the way. But I'll continue to ask for it year after year.)

So all my Grinchy pessimism got me a'thinkin' (which is always a recipe for trouble). Out of all the things related to the holiday season, what one aspect would I choose to keep? (And I only allowed myself to pick one, though I do enjoy a couple others, like certain holiday television classics.)

It took some deliberation.

Would I choose to keep the Christmas tree? Nah, I could easily screw the whole "bring a too-big balsam into the living room and let it shed its needles on the floor while I get scratches on my arms trying to give the poor dying thing water" experience.

How about gifts? Yeah, right. See my post from November 23rd and you'll know where I stand on the whole "buy this, buy that" expectation. Ho, ho, no.

Baking? While I do love my sweets (though I haven't eaten chocolate in almost 12 years, which might make for an interesting blog topic), I could do without having fourteen million gingerbread men going stale (or, worse yet, rotting) on the kitchen counter.

Holiday tunes? I don't think so. You try listening to Miss Piggy warbling out a Christmas chant or Britney Spears butchering a tune that's already been slaughtered by a dozen other "artists". (And don't get me started on Madonna's "Santa Baby". *puke*)

I could honestly live without experiencing anything I've mentioned above.

But what wouldn't I want to live without at this time of year?

As weird as it may sound, my answer would be the way December 25th feels when my immediate family members sit down for a leisurely, lovingly-prepared meal. Really, that's what it's all about for me (sitting at home with a frozen TV dinner just wouldn't be the same.) Of course, I'm not talking stuff-your-face-until-you-pray-for-death gorging, but the simple bliss that comes from knowing your only goal is to eat, chat and reminisce.

(I know, I know. Pass the pancakes. That's so syrupy it makes me gag. In fact, if you're diabetic, you may need an insulin shot after reading the preceding paragraph. My sincere apologies.)

So... what would you never give up about this spirited time of year? (Or, in other words, what aspect of the holiday season doesn't make you want to crawl into a hole until January 1st?)