You know you need to perk up your life when...

... incredibly psychotic stalkers lose interest in you;

... peeping toms fall asleep in your shrubbery while watching you blog and write for hours;


... the only people who whistle at you are visually impaired;


... family members actually suggest you go back to your computer;


... the suicide hotline calls you, and then puts you on hold;


... Mormons skip your door...


... your child would rather play with toe jam than with you;


... telemarketers say, "Oh, wrong number..." when you answer the phone.