Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Unconventional methods to teach abstinence

Fab gal Aine inspired me with her comment in yesterday's post to come up with some unconventional methods to teach abstinence to teens. Her thought was to have them work at Chuck E Cheese (a.k.a. "The Devil's Den".)

A few others I managed to come up with during this quick break from work are:

- Have them spend a week with a teen mother who has a newborn at home. Make sure they have to sleep in the same room with the baby. Ha!

- Give them an allowance, then take away what they'd have to shell out for diapers, creams, lotions, formula, and other necessities. Watch their mouths drop in horror when they realize there's nothing left!

- Make them assist during a few deliveries in a local maternity ward. Provide them with a bucket in case vomiting ensues. Don't allow them to look away.

- For a month, don't allow them to do anything with friends. Keep them in the house. Make them do laundry night and day. Let them know this is what will happen if they have a child. No parties, no dances, no hanging out. Nothing.

- If you're a mommy, show them all your stretch marks (otherwise known as "war wounds".) As they run screaming from the room, yell, "Honey! Wait'll you see what happened to my breasts!" Then laugh maniacally.

What are your ideas?


SzélsőFa said...

Let them do a google search about the side effects of hormone-loaded contraceptives and/or intrauteral devices.

'Just as nasty as your ideas.

Aine said...

LOL! Great ideas, Quoibler! I tried the stretch mark strategy with my niece when she was 16. I'm not sure if it worked, but it definitely left an impression.

Beth said...

I just caught up on your last 3 posts and am so glad I did. Medieval letter -- a laugh riot until I saw your video post. You are so adorable AND hilarious ... even on camera. The Chuck E Cheese mass murderer thing and the delivery -- LOVED it!

I had my teen daughter watch the birth video of her little brother. That worked wonders, I think, but now I may never have grandchildren. =/

SzélsőFa said...

It is strange.
We, as parents, do not want early sex and unwantde pregnancy.
But repelling our kids from having ANY baby at all is also NOT on our to-do list, is it?

My kids are 11 and 8, so, I have a little more time, but...

It's not pregnancy itself we should make them NOT want, but unsafe sex, isn't it?

Why make them fear pregnancy?

SzélsőFa said...

Plus, why make them fear giving birth?
That should be considered as natural as eating or pooing...there are nasty bits, but it you miss a day or two without having a poo, you're damned.

Mary Witzl said...

The week with the teen mother is what I would go for. I once got a job babysitting the kids of a very young single mother. Seeing what she had to cope with on a daily basis was a tremendous eye-opener for me. One morning I showed up at her house and found her ungroomed, eyes smudged with the past night's mascara, one kid vomiting, the other having a temper tantrum, laundry piled right up to the ceiling and the whole house smelling of coffee grounds and pee. That did it for me.

Do they have those life-like baby dolls that cry uncontrollably every few hours, at unpredictable intervals, in America? Teens get them to take home here in the U.K. through the schools, and a lot of kids have sworn off early parenthood after borrowing them.

Hoodie said...

Ooh, yes, I like the stretch mark idea. My first pregnancy horrified me. I mean, I knew they were a possibility, but I had no idea a person could so closely resemble a pink zebra.

The Quoibler said...


Good point -- that stuff can mess a woman's insides.



I'll bet! I was lucky -- no stretch marks. But dimpling has definitely been an issue!



Awww... you're sweet! And I must say that the Chuck E Cheese/mass murderer analogy was brought up by my loving hubby. So I really should give him some credit!

Oh, you'll still have grandkids. When we're ready, we just say, "Eh, I'll do it even though it's painful and messy!"



You're right -- we shouldn't make it seem as if the babies themselves are the problem. It's having a child before one is ready.



Blech! I don't know if I would have had my son after that kind of experience!

Yes, they have those dolls here in the U.S., though I haven't ever seen one. Have you?

Kim said...

One more suggetion -

Make them stay awake for 72 hours straight, doing nothing but laps around the coffee table, lugging a sack of flour. Tape record a howling coyotes and put it on endless loop whilst said teens are doing their laps. When they try to sit down, turn the volume up.

That's what the first three days home with a colicky newborn was like for me. =)

The Quoibler said...


Gawd, how that brings back memories...