Social networking

I know that we freelancers have a reputation for eschewing social events, preferring instead to sit alone in our dusty homes petting our kitties and munching ferociously on salty-sweet snacks. However, I've never been able to find solace in being a hermit 100% of the time.

Thus, I signed up for a local social networking event that takes place tonight. It's just one of those holiday shmooze and mingle things -- no biggie, right? Except for one thing... I want to have fun with it. I don't want to pretend to be the CEO of my own company whose feces has no odor. I want to make a positive impression as someone who is professional, yet a little offbeat, too.

Therefore, I'm planning to change up the way I usually present myself to others: "I'm a freelance writer and performer, yadda, yadda, yadda."

Why be boring when I could answer the old question, "What do you do?" with responses like:

#1. If I told you, I'd have to kill you. (Thanks, Tess, for this one!)
#2. I'm a janitor in the building. Please don't spill anything or I'll be here all night.
#3. I don't have a job. Does your company have any openings?
#4. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I just came here to drink.
#5. You tell me.

Okay, so I wouldn't seriously say numbers three through five to strangers (unless the party is totally dull), but numbers one and two I would try.

In the spirit of the blogosphere (and because I know you're all such creative, weird, wild and wonderful folks), I'm encouraging you to send me snappy, memorable answers to those ennui-inducing questions like "So... whaddya do?" and "Where do you work?"

If I like any of them, I will use them tonight as conversation starters (or enders, depending on whose listening) and report back to you with the findings.

Oh, and I'm not joking. I will absolutely do this. See, I have very little shame. I mean, what the hell? In 100 years, I'll be dead and no one will give a crap whether or not I bombed at a central Pennsylvania social networking event.